How to Build Emotional Resilience and Practice Self-Regulation for Stress Management.
The power of emotional regulation.
It’s 80 degrees on October 29. Instead of working from home, I drove to the forest and grabbed my hammock. I am currently floating between two trees while the sun is nurturing my face and neck. It’s a dream. Mostly. There is also the case of the intense 2000 mph wind that ebbs in and out of a mostly relaxing experience. It shakes the leaves off of the trees and causes my hammock to sway, with the top of its fabric flapping with sounds resembling the world’s tiniest drum show.
What's amazing is the unparalleled security I feel. Tethered to the two trees, I am safe and grounded. This quiet moment is a reminder of emotional self-regulation and how nature supports our emotional resilience. The wind can cause my hammock to sway, but it won't knock me off. I am literally protected because I am connected with nature.
In this instance, I am able to control my environment, and it feels emotionally calm. But what happens when we are in an environment that feels turbulent and we do not feel supported? How would I support myself emotionally, and why would I need to? These questions bring us to the importance of self-regulation and emotional resilience, which are central to managing stress in challenging environments.
Emotional Self-Regulation and Defensive Living
Emotional self-regulation is a skill that is supposed to be taught to children as they grow up. However, if you were raised in a chaotic environment or experienced a large part of your life that felt traumatic, your emotional responses can be entrenched in reactivity. Meaning life triggers you, you react, and you feel crummy.
The funny thing is that since about 2001, we have collectively been exposed to an overwhelming amount of traumatic and destabilizing events globally, meaning that collectively, we have been experiencing a significant part of our lives in emotionally deregulated survival mode.
Have you ever experienced a long drive in the country with no traffic, the windows down, the warm breeze touching your arms as you played with the air outside the window, and felt amazing and free? Compare that with driving at 8 a.m. in the city of Chicago, where every single car has a destination they are late for, and no one wants to share the road. Yellow lights are like duels, and traffic heads into the bike lane. That is defensive driving, and it is not fun. This is symptomatic of defensive living, where we’re always bracing for the next shoe to drop instead of allowing life to flow naturally and enjoying whatever comes next, which is the ideal state. Defensive living does not support your soul’s growth but rather keeps you contained within a habitual experience.
Defensive living keeps us contained within a habitual experience. Translation: Defensive living keeps us locked out of living free, and limits our emotional resilience.
What Is Self-Regulation?
Emotional self-regulation is the learned skill of applying conscious thought to events that prompt strong emotions. Learning how to regulate emotions helps us stay balanced even when life feels overwhelming. Andrea Bell from GoodTherapy.org has a straightforward definition of self-regulation: It’s “control [of oneself] by oneself” (2016). She also says: “Someone who has good emotional self-regulation has the ability to keep their emotions in check. They can resist impulsive behaviors and make decisions that support long-term emotional well-being. They have a flexible range of emotional and behavioral responses that are well matched to the demands of their environment."
With the lifestyle we are living today, we are often at the mercy of consistent triggers or attention. It's like red flags are everywhere. That is an exhausting way to live.
Tools for Emotional Regulation and Emotional Well-Being
Here are some emotional regulation tools that I use—they are broken down into two categories: “on-the-spot” self-regulation for moments of surprising chaos, and preventative care that sets me up for resilience throughout the day. These tools for emotional well-being are my daily practices to manage stress and stay grounded.
On-the-Spot Tools for Emotional Regulation
I am a huge fan of vocalizing what I am feeling when it feels overwhelming. Using techniques like these helps me shift from a reactive to a resilient mindset. I speak my feelings out loud, identify them, and pinpoint why I am feeling them. This release dilutes the build-up of emotion and releases constriction.
Start finding anything to be grateful for. Practicing gratitude, even for small things, can help reduce stress and promote emotional wellness. It can be a reach, but do it. You instantly begin to shift the momentum of negativity. Even if you can only be grateful for the fact that you are breathing, do it.
Long-Term Tools to Make Self-Regulation Your Default State
Build inner strength by practicing these habits:
Exercising regularly
Meditating
Getting 8 hours of sleep
Spending even three minutes each morning to pause and set a vision for your day
Eating a diet that supports your body
These daily self-care routines create a strong foundation for emotional resilience, which makes navigating stress and practicing self-regulation much easier.
If you don’t self-regulate your emotional state, your emotional state will be decided for you.
Ultimately, it’s about taking your power back. Using these self-regulation techniques can help you manage stress and control your emotions, even during difficult times. You deserve to feel supported. You deserve to feel empowered. That foundationally can come from you.
What do you think? Do you have emotional self-regulating tools that work for you? I would love to know! email me and let me know: Elizabeth at elizabethtuckwell dot com.